Hi ,
Of the four core wounds I’ve been talking about lately in these “Just Checking In” emails (shame, fear, abandonment, and anger)...
There's one that tends to be the hardest to actually heal.
Anger.
The thing about anger is that it’s not always what you'd expect.
There’s the louder, more obvious version. The cranky coworker. The short-fused relative. The person who has zero trouble letting you know exactly how mad they are and why.
That kind of anger is loud, visible, and easy to spot.
But there's another kind. Quieter. It doesn't show up in a raised voice or a slammed door. It lives underneath the surface, in the shadows of a person who seems completely composed, mild-mannered even, while something entirely different churns underneath.
Kind of like Bruce Banner and his greener, angrier alter ego, The Incredible Hulk. Calm on the outside. Something else entirely once pushed too far. Something dangerous and hot-tempered.
I bring that up because in my coaching experience, a lot of us are carrying our own version of that split. Poised on the surface, with a beast underneath that wants nothing more than to bust through a wall or two.
And let me tell you, some of the people harboring the deepest anger are those you’d never expect. The kind-hearted elderly lady who seems to have nothing but love for everyone. The calm, intelligent executive. The compassionate caregiver. The meditator.
And that’s important to note:
Just because someone doesn’t express their temper doesn’t mean they’re not suffering with anger inside.
Most people do, at least some of the time.
Here's something that I think is consistently true when you actually study anger. It almost always traces back to a loss of control, real or perceived. Think about it. If you had complete control over everything in your life, what would there even be to get angry about?
And anger often looks like a loss of control because it comes from a loss of control.
Being hurt by someone you trusted. A loss. A trauma. Losing a job, a relationship, your health, your financial footing. There are a hundred ways to lose your sense of control, which means there are a hundred triggers waiting to summon your own inner beast. That’s why I believe anger is a far more universally experienced emotion than some people like to admit.
So we heal anger by not getting angry, right? Calm down. Keep it together.
Well, no.
Trying to eliminate anger, banish it, suppress it, fight it into submission, doesn't work. It just makes the anger stronger, and angrier, and more likely to come out feisty and sideways when you least expect it.
You won’t win a fight with The Hulk.
What actually works is almost the opposite. Learning to witness anger. Sit with it. Work with it. Acknowledge it instead of declaring war on it. That's when it stops running the show.
I’ve talked a lot about integrating shadows. That doesn’t mean ridding ourselves of every ounce of darkness. We want to be happy, joyful, and peaceful. But we also have to acknowledge that we will sometimes be sad, hurt, and angry. That’s human. That’s life. And that’s okay…if we know how to integrate and acknowledge these feelings.
That’s the true antidote to anger.
Not eliminating it or overpowering it. But by listening to what it's actually telling you. Finding your way back to a sense of control. Reclaiming what I'd call your sovereignty, your own sense of balance and equilibrium.
Which is exactly what we built The Four Wounds Suite to help you do.
The Four Wounds is our newest Holosync collection designed to help you integrate, heal, and acknowledge anger, along with the three other core wounds we all carry.
If you've got a version of that inner beast, a part of you that's hurting, that's angry, that wants to come out swinging, The Four Wounds Suite will help. Not by fighting it. By making it much easier for you to finally start listening to it.
Check it out right here!
And before I go, if you’re comfortable, tell me if you’ve experienced anger in your life. Have you learned how to sit with it? Integrate it? What lessons has anger taught you? Drop me a note and let me know!
Until next time, this is me, Just Checking In!
No comments:
Post a Comment